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Sunday, July 21, 2013

Trusting Yourself With This Moment

We've only got this one life, and it's made up of a bunch of present moments all strung together. It would seem an obvious benefit to show up for them whenever possible, but I, for one, am not always good at that. Instead I notice myself using this moment, especially when just sitting quietly, to do a particular and apparently very important maneuver, to connect the past with the future. So I'm constantly fetching around in the past for a story, memory, analysis, and then creating a future based on that. Like this: I did something, I'm worried about the consequences, so I will plan to do something to change or avert that future. Or, he said this, then that must mean he feels this, so probably this other thing is going to happen. Or they did this which means... Anyway, I seem to do a lot of it, and it makes it really difficult to hear the birds singing outside or see the play of the light on the walkway, or appreciate the person I'm with.

It's nice to notice that it can be otherwise. There's a peculiar precarious feeling to allow myself to have this moment. It's like somehow the past and the future are handholds and when I let myself be here, I'm without the safety of knowing who I am. At the same time, when I do risk it, the present is so very rich.

So this is something to check out, when you feel scattered, or obsessed, is it possible to let yourself have this moment? Knowing, of course that you can have the past and the future back, but for this moment, can you just have it, to taste the mystery of what this might hold?

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